Divorced Men Move on More Quickly than Divorced Women – Part 2
The spouse that starts the divorce is the plaintiff prosecuting the case. As the plaintiff, he or she controls the speed, direction, and duration of the case. In addition, if a trial is necessary, the plaintiff prosecutes and goes first. It is clearly the preferential position. As divorce lawyers, we are most comfortable being in control of the case, and having the power to negotiate from this position of strength.
Someone who does not love you may do anything and everything he or she wants with respect to finances, and your recourse would be minimal. It is only by commencing the divorce process and serving a Summons with Notice or other instrument upon them that you will receive protection from the restraining orders designed to protect divorcing spouses.
Furthermore, while we often consider the financial exposure of our clients to be paramount, there are dozens (if not hundreds) of cases where someone remains with a spouse that does not love them just to be hurt, set up, or killed. Or, the result may be more insidious: they are forced to spend vast amounts of time, maybe years, with someone who is preventing their enjoyment in life and pursuit of happiness.
Time is precious and life is short. While children experience some emotional harm in divorces, they are often worse off remaining in unhealthy homes. While a family may feel they cannot afford to divorce, it is often the case that one spouse will be financially tyrannizing or strategizing to impoverish the other when they stay together.
We are partial. At our firm, we are not marriage counselors or clergy, and we are certainly not social workers or therapists. We are divorce lawyers. We see great benefit to divorce because we have seen catastrophic and disastrous results from couples who remain together yet do not love each other. Furthermore, we have become more than aware of the insidious and underlying misery of long-term unhappiness: dreams unfulfilled and happiness not pursued. Most every single client (out of the well over 10,000 clients that have come in and out of our doors) will state to us at some point, “I should have done this years ago.” Without exception, at the end of each divorce, if a client is asked, “Do you wish you were still married to your spouse?” they answer, “No.” They are always of the opinion that they did the right thing or that it was necessary.
We are of the opinion that postponing the inevitable for some perceived advantage is often quite ill advised and that delaying a divorce rarely, if ever, gives you tactical or economic advantages. In some cases, postponing the inevitable could lead to violence, arrest, and loss of life, family, trust, and precious time.
While it is true that men are often procrastinators, in the divorce world, they are not. Men move on quicker, as the census, social workers, and bloggers all state but not for the specific reasons often attributed to this phenomenon. Men move on quicker because there is one thing that they do not procrastinate about or avoid more than their female counterparts do— when they are unhappy, they get a divorce.