What Children Do Not Want After a Divorce
Divorce is never easy on children, but how parents behave can make the breakup easier, or much harder, on sons and daughters. There are many things that children don’t want during the divorce process, such as arguments in their presence and drastic changes in parenting styles. You don’t need to tolerate an irretrievably broken marriage, but you should make an effort to shield your children from unnecessary harm associated with the end of your marriage.
Among the many things that children of divorce don’t want is to feel guilty about causing the breakup. You need to be sensitive to their feelings and make sure they understand that there was nothing they did to cause it and nothing they could have done to prevent it.
Be sensitive about how the divorce affects your children. Don’t bring up hurtful details unnecessarily, but be honest and discreet when they have questions. Try to maintain the routine to which they’ve been accustomed to the extent practical. If they are having trouble coping, consider taking them to a therapist. It is also essential they know you still love them.
Children also don’t want to have to feel guilty for wanting to maintain a close relationship with both parents. Despite any conflicts between them, each parent should promote strong bonds between their child and their co-parent. Your son or daughter doesn’t want you to display jealousy about their relationship with your ex.
Most of all, children don’t want to be dragged into their parent’s conflict or be forced to choose sides. You and your spouse shouldn’t argue with, or complain about, each other in front of your children. Don’t ask them their opinion about any problems with your spouse. Stay away from interrogations about what your former spouse is doing or whom they are dating.
Along with avoiding negative behaviors, you should talk to your ex-spouse about how to address any concerns your children have in a mature, thoughtful manner. If your spouse is too angry to do that at first, setting a good example might turn down the heat and make your children’s post-divorce lives easier for them to handle.
The lawyers at Bryan L. Salamone & Associates, P.C., in Melville, New York are experienced with child custody issues and are ready to advise you on how to help your children thrive despite divorce. To schedule your free initial consultation with a member of our team, call 1.631.479.3839 or contact us online.