Holidays can be joyful, but gift-giving sometimes causes stress for parents in the weeks leading up to Christmas and Hanukkah. The pressure can be particularly intense for parents who are divorced or separated. Even when a mother or father is simply trying to make the season magical for their child, there are several ways in which a present can trigger conflict with a co-parent.
Fortunately, with some advance planning and civil communication, parents can avoid tense or awkward moments associated with holiday gifts by taking these steps:
- Start early — Coordination between parents can prevent duplicate gifts, budget surprises and disputes over who gets to buy the one item their child wants more than any other. However, if one parent has already started buying presents, it might be too late to reach a mutually agreeable arrangement. Speak several months in advance about your child’s preferences. You might wish to create a shared spreadsheet or document to keep track of who’ll buy specific items.
- Set a budget — When parents are no longer together, they sometimes become overzealous about trying to make their children happy. One possible way do to this is to buy expensive toys or other items. Problems can arise if one parent looks like the hero, or if one parent believes they’re taking on too much of the cost. Set a per-household or per-child cap to keep spending even and expectations consistent.
- Consider splitting major purchases — Perhaps your son or daughter is lobbying for a bicycle or an expensive video-game console. Given the expense and importance of these presents, splitting the cost and making it clear that the gift is from both parents can avoid hurt feelings.
- Honor your custody terms — Festive celebrations sometimes promote deviations from rules that are honored the rest of the year. Experience gifts, such as trips or concerts, shouldn’t disrupt court-ordered child custody schedules unless both parents agree in writing to depart from the existing terms.
Hopefully, these guidelines can ensure that parents and children can focus on spending time together during this cherished time of year instead of dealing with avoidable conflicts.
Bryan L. Salamone & Associates, P.C. handles a full range of child custody issues for Long Island residents. Our New York family lawyers are highly skilled at developing initial parenting plans, as well as dealing with situations that arise after the order is entered. Please call 631-388-6009 or contact us online for an appointment.