A prominent psychologist says that he’s identified a sign that a marriage is headed for divorce. While you might be thinking that he’s talking about a loud argument or a thrown dish, John Gottman claims that the indicator is much more subtle.
Gottman reports that a marriage is in serious risk when a spouse lifts one side of their mouth in what we might refer to as a smirk of superiority. This seemingly minor expression is a hallmark of contempt, one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” that Gottman’s research has linked to the breakdown of relationships. He says that he can predict divorce with approximate 94 percent accuracy by recognizing these behaviors:
- Criticism — Rarely does a husband or wife think that their spouse is absolutely perfect, but when someone denigrates their partner’s character rather than a specific act, it could signal a significant problem.
- Contempt — Smirking, rolling one’s eyes and making sarcastic remarks are signs of disdain and a sense of superiority.
- Defensiveness — Even while acting in a hostile manner, some husbands and wives refuse to take responsibility for their shortcomings and try to play the victim instead.
- Stonewalling — Though arguing might not be ideal or enjoyable, withdrawing from interaction and shutting down communication could be worse for the health of marriage.
Of the four, contempt is considered the most destructive. It erodes trust and respect, creating a toxic environment where one partner feels belittled and undervalued. The one-sided smirk, a subtle yet powerful display of contempt, is a clear indicator of this dynamic. In severe cases, comments and gestures that minimize one’s partner could be a sign of narcissism.
Some spouses might use these signs to reorient their marriage through couple’s therapy or another method. However, if the Four Horsemen have taken root and efforts to resolve the issues fail, it may be time to consider whether divorce is the healthiest option for both parties.
Bryan L. Salamone & Associates, P.C. represents clients across Long Island in all types of divorces, including cases involving narcissists and spouses with borderline personality disorder. Don’t suffer needlessly. Call us today at 631-388-6009 or contact us online if you’re looking to make a new start.