Divorce Coach Says Don’t Beat Yourself Up, Focus on the Big Picture

Ending a marriage can be such an overwhelming experience that many spouses are turning to divorce coaches who can help guide them through the non-legal aspects of their breakup. An experienced adviser can provide encouragement, emotional support and useful suggestions as someone makes the transition from married to single life.

As an experienced divorce coach, Andra Davidson has seen clients express a wide range of concerns, but says that the question she’s asked most reflects the wrong approach to divorce. That question is “What did I do wrong in my marriage?” This outdated attitude reflects the belief that ending a marriage is a major life failure that requires penance or self-punishment. Marital relationships end for various reasons, typically because spouses and their needs have changed over time. Even when an affair or some other incident leads to a breakup, it is usually a symptom of a couple that has grown apart.

Davidson offers several tips to help divorcing spouses maintain the right perspective on the end of their marriage, such as:

• Don’t punish yourself — Nearly half of American marriages end in divorce, so you’re certainly not alone. Everyone has experienced friendships and jobs that have run their course. While the end of a marriage might be more serious and emotional, it is another type of transition that can be attributed to shifting circumstances rather than any failure on your part.
• Develop talking points — For some people, one of the worst parts of their divorce is breaking the news to their family members and friends. Even in a situation where loved ones agree with their decision, many people going through a divorce are reluctant to trigger long conversations about their ex. Davidson suggests developing a few phrases to describe what happened and to keep the discussion where you’re comfortable.
• Focus on the future — Your breakup might be amicable or bitter, but either way, the divorce process will end and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Instead of lamenting what went wrong, you can envision the opportunities that lie ahead now that you’re regaining your independence and breaking free from a relationship that was causing you so much pain.

Preserving your well-being starts with handling the divorce process in the right way. At Bryan L. Salamone & Associates, P.C., we offer a simple divorce solution that reduces costs and the aggravation associated with marriage dissolution. Please call 1.631.479.3839 or contact us online to speak with a New York family lawyer who can explain how spouses can move through the divorce process without wasting time blaming each other, or themselves.