Dealing With the Emotional Pain of Divorce
The end of a marriage is an emotionally raw time. For many people it can feel like darkness is setting in and painful thoughts tend to dominate every waking moment. It is common to feel fear, anger, uncertainty or a sense of loss. Getting through the emotional pain of divorce may not be easy, but there are ways of coping.
A good way to start is to acknowledge and address your emotions, both internally and with someone you trust. In moments where you feel anger, recognize that the end of a marriage is a valid reason to be upset. Don’t run away from the feelings but don’t wallow in them either. If you realize you’re spending too much time “inside your own head,” try to turn to someone you love, such as a family member or a friend who has also been divorced. It can be scary to open up like that but it can be a good way to address your feelings.
Many people also benefit from writing down questions and answers. For example, if you’re asking yourself “Could I have done more?” take out a notebook and a pen and write down your answer. The notebook isn’t going to tell anyone what you’re writing. It’s judgment-free. Write honest answers, don’t hold back and don’t worry about how your answers would look to others.
Another approach is to visualize a new life. Divorce may force you to change many parts of your life — where you live, where your kids go to school, etc. — yet it is also a time to gain clarity about what you want going forward. Picture yourself doing something you couldn’t do while married, whether it’s going back to school, moving to a new area, making new friends or pursuing any number of personal growth opportunities.
Finally, commit to yourself. You poured your heart and soul into your marriage. Now it’s time to rediscover how strong you are on your own. Don’t let your ex’s opinions of you control your life. You are about to be free of his or her expectations. Every day after divorce you can wake up and do what is best for you and for your kids. Your past marriage will always be a part of you, but it does not have to define you.
Bryan L. Salamone & Associates, P.C. is dedicated to helping New Yorkers get through the divorce process. Our attorneys guide every client along their own unique path toward a healthy post-divorce life. Call 1.631.479.3839 or contact us online to schedule a free initial consultation with our team, which serves Nassau County, Suffolk County and all of Long Island.