Dealing with Uncomfortable Questions About Your Divorce

Even when you’re convinced that getting a divorce is the right choice, it can be difficult to face inquiries from people about your situation. Some questions asked of divorcing spouses are well-meaning but awkward while others are pretty rude. As the people in your life learn that your marriage is ending, you might want develop your own personal FAQ template with responses to queries such as:

• “Isn’t this hard on the kids?” — Yes, divorce can be difficult for children, but the same can be said about living in a home with two feuding, unhappy parents. Though many things change when a marriage ends, parental love never wavers and both parties should be committed to creating a positive environment for their children regardless of the issues that broke them up. You could even find that communicating regarding your son or daughter’s well-being is easier without marital issues getting in the way.

• “How did this happen when you two seem so happy?” — No one truly understands what’s happening in a marriage except the two spouses. Romantic relationships are complicated but they’re just one aspect of a person’s life. Spouses can be cheerful at a cocktail party or pickleball game with their friends but find it impossible to co-exist peacefully when they get home. Sometimes, nosy questioners need to be gently reminded that they only know one small part of the story and that the decision to part was made after much consideration.

• “Will this affect our car pool/poker game/annual barbecue?” — Regardless of the situation, many people’s first thoughts when they hear about an unexpected change is the effect it will have on them. And there are numerous collateral effects, big and small, associated with a divorce. Politely stating that you’ll address their concerns once the major issues are resolved should give you the space you need to deal with top priorities. 

• “Couldn’t you give it just one more shot?” — Friends and family members frequently feel they have a personal stake in the marriage of their loved ones and might not be willing to accept that what’s best for the spouses is to move in different directions. A potential strategy is to make clear that you both have approached this decision thoughtfully and have already made every reasonable effort to find a suitable alternative. Now, your focus is on handling the divorce process maturely and looking toward a future that is better for both of you.

One of the most important steps as you move through this life transition is hiring an experienced divorce lawyer who can tell you what to expect at each stage of the marriage dissolution process. Bryan L. Salamone & Associates, P.C. is the Long Island divorce leader because we provide comprehensive counsel to New Yorkers so that they can protect their rights while preserving their well-being. Please call 1.631.479.3839 or contact us online for a consultation.